A Phil-for-an-ill Blog

September 16, 2009

Tragedy and Sin, Forgiveness and Restoration – My Own Deliverance Story

Nederlandse versie English version
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1. Tragedy and Sin, Forgiveness and Restoration – My Own Deliverance Story
2. Second Deliverance Attempt
3. Revelation at the “Returning Glory” Ranch
4. Third and Final Deliverance Attempt

“The LORD will sustain him on his sickbed and restore him from his bed of illness.” Psalm 41:3

Why this blog?


The reason I send this story into public awareness is that I want to reach out to those people who find themselves in a similar situation as I have been, namely: demonic possession. By sharing my story, they now may realize that their suffering does not have to be without end.

Although the information I present you below is rather personal and embarrassing, I’ve taken it upon myself to not let myself be bogged down by feelings of shame. Indeed, since shame is a type of fear, and since I solemnly believe that fear is what is stagnating the development of humanity as a whole, I have decided to put any feelings of shame aside and reveal my case in possession, including all derived insights and conclusions, as honestly as deemed reasonably possible.

Humanity has needlessly suffered more than enough already from this debilitating demon called fear. It is more important for me to able to help other people rather than face the prospect of being persecuted for the shameful things that were done through my person.

Indeed, a few years ago I came across the works of a New Zealand researcher named Greg Hallett through which I became aware that the entire world basically operates on shame:

“Most political figures are elevated because of some great shame and this is used to control them. The world is run on shame. When you break the code of shame in politics, you are more educated than the best academic and have more freedom than the worst hippy.” Source: greghallett.com

The underlying trick being that if you want to seize control over some political, commercial or financial entity, then you simply go about luring its leaders to committing some shameful act, usually in the sexual taboo realm (i.e. sodomy, pedophilia, rape, etc.). All the while you secretly document the whole shameful thing (photos, videos, soundrecordings, the works) and then use that as blackmail leverage against them. So that typically they, through fear of exposure, will see themselves forced to relinquish their power to the folks who are doing the scheming. It’s a very simple yet effective strategy. But since the wrong people end up in power for all the wrong reasons, it is unfortunately also a very unethical and indeed a very demonic strategy also.

Therefore, with my proverbial knickers to the floor, through releasing this blog, I make a stand against such detrimental and degenerate practices.

In addition, I am also cheered on by God as it was written in the Bible that it’s my moral obligation as a believer in Jesus Christ, to act according to the imperative as given in Ephesians:

“Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.” Ephesians 5:11

Furthermore, as Moziah – the person who facilitated my deliverance – pointed out, it is also stated in the Bible that people needlessly suffer through sheer ignorance:

“My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge.” Hosea 4:6

I hope to help reduce the ignorance of people through releasing this story.

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Demonic possession is more common than you may think. In fact, Moziah admitted that in the ten year long period that she has been working as a deliverance minister, she only met one person wanting to be set free and who after all, turned out to not be possessed. That’s just one person.

Moziah insists on not deserving any credit, or much credit anyway, for freeing a person from demons. She always says that she is but the vessel through which the Holy Spirit acts out the actual casting out. Her modesty truly is exemplary since really without this “vessel,” I and countless other people would still be stumbling around in sinful ignorance, while needlessly suffering from a state of demonic possession. So, whether you think you deserve it or not, you do just the same dear Moziah.

It needs to be understood that demons have a spiritual right to enter into a person who is being sinful. There’s a simple correlation between sinning and possession. The more you sin, the more you’ll make yourself a target for demons and so the higher the probability is that you’ll end up being possessed. Also, possession doesn’t always have to be similar to what Hollywood movies like to portray, where possessed people end up with horrible disfiguring facial wounds, can let their heads do full 360s while uttering the most abominable language. Unless possession was attained on a voluntary basis, for instance through witchcraft, the boring reality is usually far less spectacular and indeed far more subtle than you may think. This was, by and large, also the case with me.

Nonetheless, chances are that if you are possessed, particularly if it is against your will and more importantly, if you are oblivious of it, you will suffer from their interference with your life as they work to slowly usurp and hijack your will. From my own experience, I can also say that if they realize that they cannot use you for their own nefarious purposes they will then seek to slowly destroy you. And that would of course be a tragic waste of life, something that could be prevented relatively easily. Awareness is key, as is willingness to do something about it.

Before I started writing the blog I pleaded with God to grant me strength and to help me fill in the blanks that had eluded me because of short-coming memory. To my delight, I think he gave me more information than I bargained for as I suspect He provided me with important insights into the kind of strategies the demonic realm deploys in trying to subvert and corrupt humanity.

That indeed God granted me His assistance fully dawned on me only yesterday (25 September) when I realized that if I were to give an honest and detailed account of the story, then I would have to make my name public. You see, when I was about midway of my US adventure, I already had decided to share my story with the world. However, since I was still a bit publicity-shy (read: chicken-shit) I favored the option of releasing it anonymously. That way, I could avoid the potential of having to experience embarrassing moments when people I know could exploit knowledge of my innermost and darkest secrets to my detriment. Or so I was led to believe. Later on however, it occurred to me that I would then precisely work along the doctrine of fear, to put it poetically; something I precisely was trying to break free from. As such, I decided to simply throw it all out in the open, and proverbially sign off with my own name; a choice that indeed corresponded with God’s will since, as I said, my name would reveal itself as events in the United States unfolded and I would write up its story. As you read on, you will notice my name being revealed through two undeniable clues (given in RED characters, so that you won’t likely miss it). So, why even consider writing in anonymity if God’s wish simply is for me not to do so?

Interspersed throughout the story you will find certain portions of text pop up that are not directly related to the story, which otherwise is given in chronological order. These interjections, given in a table format, may be understood as (hopefully accurate) insights into the strategies deployed by the demonic.

Understand that, ever since time immemorial, the demonic has been waging a bitter, vicious and merciless war on humanity.

Brief Familial Background

My sister and I are the product of parents who never should have married one another. My mother married my father for the wrong reason. My sister told me some time ago that my mom had become jealous of her friends who got married before she did and so she became eager to marry herself. She didn’t want to stay behind, so to speak. I think it’s safe to say that my father shouldn’t have married at all, but since he did just the same, an escape into the bottle seems rather understandable. I cannot say more than this though.

So out of this rather volatile and unlikely merger of would-be parents first came myself and 14 months later my sister. It’s little wonder that there was a lot of fighting and bickering going on in the family. Maybe my sister disagrees but I saw more consequences of fear than fruits of love in our family, although there seemed to have never been a shortage of my mother’s willingness to keeping up appearances. Relatively fortunately, it never came to the point that arguments degenerated into physical abuse but still I think it’s safe to say that all members of the family suffered greatly from the dysfunctionality in our family.

When I reached puberty the relationship between me and my father rapidly deteriorated. He became jealous of me as a person, how I carried myself but also regarding my achievements in life as I excelled in school and university, computer programming and as an avid student of martial arts and fan of Bruce Lee. None of those things could please my father. There were times in which my embittered dad, in an alcohol fueled state of utter frustration, would proclaim to disown his children. And by denying his own blood new lows in family bonding were struck.

As a consequence, I started to judge my alcoholic and irrational father and pretty soon ended up losing every shred of respect I had for him; even to the point where I began to pity him. I simply could not permit my father to be able to wound me with words again and so I saw myself forced to altogether abandon taking him seriously. It should come as little surprising that my father and I therefore quickly grew apart, although later when I was in my late 20s we both softened our mutual resentful attitudes and we slowly began to acknowledge one and other again. At one point, I think we both realized that the way we were treating each-other wasn’t doing anyone any good. I know I haven’t always been the most exemplary good little choir-boy myself and I know full well that I wasn’t always the most easy-going person to get along with. Nobody’s perfect, lame as it sounds. I was no exception to that rule.

Sadly my dad died in 2002 when I lived and worked in a far away land called the United States and so the possibility for full restoration of our relationship had forever been lost.

We were all oblivious to the notion that a fear-filled atmosphere of constant tension and fighting in our family would make us vulnerable to demonic exploitation. You see, demons detest love and indeed literally thrive on fear and are so naturally attracted to spots where fear is generated. Little did I know that I myself, in a state of judgment and juvenile hubris, would become a focal point for demons too. I too had become a little demon magnet myself.

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The Lady of the Hour

How I met Moziah

I met Moziah for the first time over Skype when I did some Pro Bono publico and promotional work for Leo Lyon Zagami, an Illuminati Grand-master who promised to fight the Vatican, reform the Illuminati and various masonic structures and do all these further wonderful things, but at the end of the day miserably failed to deliver. This was something that would turn out to be hardly surprising as I would learn later on that he was, and is, a CIA disinformation agent.  At the time however, both Moziah and I didn’t know that Leo would prove to be a turncoat. And in all honesty, if we did, then it would be unlikely that we would ever have met since we both would have had no interest in associating with Leo.

Moziah, you see, was the person who accepted Leo’s public invitation to have dinner with him at an x amount of money. As it would turn out, she would also be the person who mediated Leo’s deliverance from a two-year contractual period in which he voluntarily served to be the human host for Lucifer, an act his Jesuit overseers required him to do, so that he could go on to the next level of Illuminati initiation.

Nonetheless, possession by Lucifer didn’t seem to sit well with Leo at all and he was so relieved when he was set free only a mere month before his contract ended, that he gleefully and promptly “made” Moziah into his spiritual adviser. This was May 2008 and it was under this unofficial function that I actually were to meet her that July in Nice, France. Leo intended to preside over some big-wig high-to-do meeting with a bunch of big-wig high-to-do masons, Vatican and P2 people, but those plans sadly never quite materialized. It would turn out to be an organizational failure although, truth be told, it wasn’t entirely Leo’s fault that it did.

In spite of this disappointment however, I was grateful to be able to meet Moziah. Since the main languages spoken at the improvised meetings were French and Italian and we both didn’t speak them well enough to decently go by, we ended up spending time together and striking up a lasting friendship. And when Leo broke his earlier made promise regarding me being able to afterwards go with him and his entourage to Rome and so left me standing there in Nice, it was Moziah who helped me out with money and finding me a suitable ticket so that I would be able to fly back to Holland. In all honesty, I think that Leo had become a tad bit jealous of me and how well I got along with Moziah and that that was the real reason why he chose to renege on his initial promise made only two weeks prior.

Moziah would tell me a few months down the line, that it was there in Nice that she sensed there was something wrong with me. Of and by itself this came as little surprising since I didn’t have the oomph anymore to suppress a constant feeling of lousiness, bloating, pain, anxiety, fatigue, or any jolly combination thereof. However, she would be the first person in the 15 years that I had been sick, who broached the possibility that the cause of my sickness may very well be spiritual in nature.

Odd as it may sound, how fortunate I would consider myself to be that she would turn out to be quite right indeed.

First Deliverance Attempt

The story of my deliverance started soon after my arrival in the US. I had accepted the gracious invitation by Moziah and her sister Tabitha to stay for a three week period. As events unfolded with time, it would become apparent that I would be needing those three weeks, minus a three delay.

Moziah and Tabitha picked me up from the airport and we drove to Moziah’s house. After having met the rest of the family, her children Elijah and Naomi, we enjoyed a light but nourishing meal which Moziah had prepared – who’d prove to be an excellent cook indeed. Then the preparations for the deliverance session started. The original plan was to reserve a couple of days for my deliverance but because of the delay in my arrival and because we would be flying to Niagara Falls, NY already that very next day, it was decided to not waste time and start right away.

Moziah, Tabitha and Elijah all dressed up in traditional Jewish garments suitable for the purpose. Moziah, drawing from ten years of experience, led the deliverance. She asked me to recount my sins before the Lord. The purpose of confessing one’s sins is to unburden oneself before the Lord. Admitting wrong doing in all humility and by one’s own volition (free will) will enable one to be set free of the demons that have entered through sin and have manipulated their host into committing further sinful deeds.

So I confessed some of the regretful things I had done in my past. I admitted to having masturbated to porn. That’s not pretty but reflecting on its widespread prevalence helped me overcome feelings of shame. Misery loves company, I suppose. Then I admitted to having sold illicit drugs for a while, mainly XTC pills, in my past as an ignorant raver. Hardly something to be proud of either even though I somewhat comforted myself with the idea that I always had been a small-time dealer, who preferred quality over quantity. Although I must admit that the lure of money did rise in prominence after a while.

While assuming I had confessed to all my cardinal sins, Moziah said prayers over me. With Tabitha and myself repeating them one by one, Moziah spoke the 72 names of God in Hebrew. In another prayer Moziah then spoke words of bondage over the demons that were inside me. She did this so as to prevent any attempt of the demons of being able to, through me, assert themselves in the physical realm and so potentially inflict injury to Moziah or any of the participants of the deliverance, myself included. In her own words: “Binding demons is extremely important for all who are involved in the deliverance session. In times past, I have been choked, hit, etc until sometime after I learned that the Lord has given us power to bind them [the possessed] so that they cannot hurt themselves or anyone else. Here is the scripture that gives us the legal right to bind them:

“And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.” Matthew 16:19

Moziah and Tabitha then moved over and came sitting next to me, one on each side. Moziah laid her hands to my left-hand-side while Tabitha did the same to my right. While their hands touched my sides, mainly abdominal region, they continued to speak prayers seeking to expel the demons. Disappointingly however, the demons now bundled together, would not budge and stubbornly remained put. After having tried for maybe half an hour or so, the deliverance attempt was prematurely terminated. Moziah told me that while she was sending out signals of love through her hands, the demons inside me reacted by sending pain signals to both the hands of Moziah and Tabitha. Love literally hurts demons and so the demons reacted by fighting back. Their inflicted pain was very specific. Both ladies described it as the kind of pain one experiences when bamboo-shoots or needles are shoved under one’s nails. Right, not the most pleasant of feelings indeed.

Later that night when I laid in bed, I felt a peculiar and unknown feeling inside of me. It was a feeling that couldn’t be attributed to a jet-lag or the consumption of drugs or alcohol I didn’t take. It was a feeling that I never had experienced before. It was as if something was restlessly swirling around in me, but it didn’t manifest physically but I could sense it just the same. When I reported this exotic experience to Moziah the next day, she said it were the demons who were getting upset by her confrontation and subsequent “eviction notice.”

Even later that night I woke up to having a wet dream in which I had images of having sex with some unknown and imaginary woman. I again reported this event to Moziah the next morning, since I felt it was something that I should not keep from her, even though the bed was not soiled. That would be a lame excuse anyway. I need to add that having wet dreams happened to me so frequently that I had managed to train myself to wake-up immediately afterwards and so be able to limit messing things up further, if you know what I mean.

It wouldn’t take too long before the larger ramifications of my nightly “accident” became clear. Moziah told me how restless she had been during that same night. Her spirit repeatedly was drawn out of her body and was caused to restlessly wander around through the house. Mind you, this happened while she was tired and longed for sleep, something that apparently is not possible while having an out-of-body experience. Tabitha said she was attacked in her sleep by what likely was a male Incubus spirit, who tried to “attack her from behind.” Elijah reported a similar incidence with the female Succubus spirit, or Old Hag as it seems to be known in England. To my relief, by their experience with the “field”, they both successfully vend off the attacks fortunately.

In addition, doorknobs were mysteriously twisted that night and Moziah said that someone or rather something had tried to get into the room of Naomi, Moziah’s daughter. I admitted to my habit of waking up many times a night to go out and urinate. I also said however, that I always limit my nightly wandering to not going beyond the nearest toilet; a custom that I consistently adhere to when I’m guested in other people’s houses! Ergo, although it wasn’t and it couldn’t have been me, all these supernatural events and attacks had to be due to the spiritual baggage I had brought along with me.

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Niagara Falls, New York State

The next day, Moziah, Tabitha and I flew to Niagara Falls, New York, hugging the Canadian border at Youngstown to be precise, on a one week lasting invitation graciously extended to us by one of Moziah’s friends, who together with one of his friends had asked Moziah to facilitate their deliverance. Towards the end of our stay and after having had set free both of these gentlemen, Moziah kind of caught me off guard when she said that there were still some things left that I needed to confess to. She told me that I hadn’t been entirely honest. This news upset me but given the fact that the first attempt of my deliverance clearly had failed, it ought not to have come as a terribly big surprise. By me not having confessed everything, by spiritual law, demons were allowed to remain in me. So after some resistance on my part, I took a deep breath, swallowed my pride and humbled myself. Moziah and I had a more honest one-on-one conversation in the nearest pub in Youngstown. While enjoying a modest amount of red wine I went back into my conscience and dug a bit further into my closet of skeletons.

To make a long story short, the last item on my drummed up emergency sin-list would also be the most embarrassing one. It was a habit I had surrendered myself to for the last 15 years and until that time had not considered it to be sinful, since it didn’t involve any other person but myself. Hence I had deemed it not necessary to confess to. I now know different though. You see I had a tendency to gather my semen and swallow it. The reason why I adopted this strange habit, is that I was given the idea that semen contains a lot of zinc and that I would do well for my own health to start “recycling” it, so to speak. The idea of helping to prevent getting a deficit of zinc appealed to me. It’s little exaggerated when I admit to having been a hypochondriac of sorts and that I was always a bit afraid of getting deficits of minerals and vitamins. So the idea of the opportunity to minimize wasting zinc struck a chord with me. Nonetheless, I was reluctant at first and I would always mix it up with water so as to be able to quickly flush it down without tasting it. You see, I hated the taste but it was for a good cause I kept on telling myself, bizarre or perverse as it may sound.

Upon hearing this remarkable and embarrassing admission, Moziah claimed that this habit would be the likely reason why the demons were allowed to stay in me. She told me how the female demon named Succubus, offspring of the spirit of Jezebel, seeks to collect the Light, or life-force, present in sperm in order to be able to incubate new demonic progeny. Succubus must have settled herself in my digestive tract so as to be able to get it straight from the source, so to speak. To my delight Moziah also said that she knows many other men who had confessed to her to have adopted the same habit but that I had been the first to actually have been given a seemingly logical reason to start doing so. After having overhauled my skeleton closet, I felt greatly relieved, even more so because Moziah didn’t judge me, at all and never will. She didn’t even laugh.

I now understand that I had been tricked in doing so. Since I started this habit around the time when I studied physics and my life revolved all around how to foster a logical mind, I strongly suspect that the demon of Logic exploited my natural inclinations and so it had little trouble in implanting this sinful idea into my mind. It should be added though that the spirit of fear may very well have paved the way for Logic, by turning me into a hypochondriac of sorts who craves vitamin- and mineral supplements.

Needless to say, if only I had realized that I would be helping in the creation of demon progeny, I would’ve never gone down that sinful road. This is why masturbation is sinful since wasted semen or female ejaculation can be used for the purpose of demonic procreation. The spirit of Lust (Succubus or Incubus) is geared towards realizing that demonic goal.

Moziah pointed out that it is also written in the Bible that ejaculation is unclean. Here is a relevant passage from Leviticus:

“1 The LORD said to Moses and Aaron, 2 “Speak to the Israelites and say to them: ‘When any man has a bodily discharge, the discharge is unclean. 3 Whether it continues flowing from his body or is blocked, it will make him unclean. […]” Source: Leviticus 15; biblegateway.com

Besides the possibility of demons grabbing hold of emissions, it is not explained in the Bible why ejaculating is a sin. You have to look to gnostic teachings to find an answer. It has all to do with something called the Kundabuffer organ, which is the organ that produces orgasms. The Gnostics reason that orgasms strengthen the ego, the antagonistic animal mind, and since freeing the protagonistic spirit mind (Sankrit “hum manas” = spirit mind) is our destiny, orgasms precisely serve to draw us away from that goal – our true but obscured nature.

Here is an explanatory quote from gnosticteachings.com on the Kundabuffer organ:

The schools which teach the ejaculation of semen, even when they do this in a very mystical way, are really Black schools, because the Kundabuffer Organ is developed with such a practice.

The schools which teach the connection of the Lingam-Yoni without the ejaculation of semen are White schools because this is how the Kundalini rises through the medullar canal.

The schools which teach how to strengthen the psychological “I” are Black schools because the evil consequences of the Kundabuffer Organ are strengthened with that procedure.

The schools which teach the dissolution of the “I” (Mystical Death) are White schools because they destroy the evil consequences of the Kundabuffer Organ.

The Kundabuffer Organ is the tail of Satan. It is the sexual fire descending from the coccyx downwards towards the atomic infernos of the human being. Source: gnosticteachings.com

Married to Succubus
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In medieval legend, a ‘succubus‘ (plural succubi; from Latin succubare, “to lie under”) is a female demon which comes to men, especially monks, in their dreams to seduce them and have sexual intercourse with them, drawing energy from the men to sustain themselves, often until the point of exhaustion or death. This legend was an explanation for the phenomena of wet dreams and sleep paralysis. Lilith and the Lilin ( Jewish), Belili ( Sumerian) and Rusalka ( Slavic) were succubi. Source: cyodine.com

According to the Malleus Maleficarum, or “Witches’ Hammer”, written by Heinrich Kramer (Insitoris) in 1486, a succubus collects semen from the men she sleeps with, which incubi then use to impregnate women,[3] thus explaining how demons could apparently sire children despite the traditional belief that they were incapable of reproduction. Children so begotten were supposed to be those that were born deformed, or more susceptible to supernatural influences.[4] Source: Wikipedia

It’s worth while to note that I never had many girlfriends in my life and if I did date a girl it never lasted much longer than a few weeks. When Moziah told me about Succubus and that it probably took residence in me, it didn’t take long for me to ponder the question of whether it would have been possible for me to have been in a state of wedlock of sorts with a Succubus spirit. It would make perfectly sense from a demonic perspective since obviously having a girlfriend in my life would pose a real risk for Succubus missing out on semen and so she would have all the reasons to start wreaking a little havoc if it did happen.

This would explain the real lack of pleasure I experienced during sex. Indeed, it would not be unusual for me to also experience pain during sexual intercourse. In fact, it was unavoidable. I remember to complain to some friends that having a girl-friend tore me up inside. It was pain and pleasure at the same time. Falling in love always came with a heavy penalty and it also drained me of my energy. It must have been Succubus showing her disapproval through giving me extra pain and discomfort. She simply didn’t allow competition to take root. She wasn’t fond of sharing at all. Moziah confirmed that this indeed may have been the case with me.

For more information on Succubi and Incubi, check out this site.



Previous articles I’ve written about Moziah:
Moziah Frees her Cousin Tina from Demonic Possession
Moziah Casts Out Lucifer (from Illuminati Grand Master Leo Zagami)
Sister Keri and Moziah – Fighting Evil on a Spiritual Level

Other relevant articles:
When Love Yields to Fear – What is a Jezebel Spirit All About?
Unmasking the Roman Catholic “Our Lady of Fatima”

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